Last night, my sleep was jolted by the shrill sound of my phone ringing and flashing. I looked at the watch, and it was 2 am. Who is calling me at this hour? And, why? What could be the urgency that couldn’t wait for another few hours? A million possible scenarios flashed through my mind, and none of them was pleasant. With my half-closed, half-drowsy eyes, I tried to catch the name of the person calling- but couldn’t.
The phone stopped ringing. If it were an emergency, the person would call back. “Should I call the number myself?” I thought, but didn’t. Or, rather, should I say, “I couldn’t!”.
I tried going back to sleep, but couldn’t. My ears were glued to my phone. I was waiting for or dreading the phone call, which could happen at any time. I didn’t want it to ring back again. I didn’t want to know who the person calling was or what they wanted. I did not want to face the reality, which could be in the form of some “very” bad news. Ignorance is not always bliss. Being an ostrich and hiding your face deep down in the heap of sand doesn’t allow the problems to go away. I was about to realize these sayings of the sages in a very practical way.
I could have put on my glasses, picked up the phone again, checked the name of the person, and probably called, thereby ending all this misery. I didn’t do that; instead, I let all those questions hang and torment me. However, this didn’t stop my brain from filling out those blanks with vivid clarity and multiple options.
The phone didn’t ring again, but all night, my brain was busy conjuring up different scenarios—like multiple bad omens and a sign of the collapse of my world as I knew it.
My anxiety levels were increasing by the minute. I felt sweat on my forehead and palms. I feared my heart palpitations could be heard from other rooms. This time, I had to apply the best practices of some meditation techniques to calm myself down, put my heart and mind at ease, and allow myself to drift back to sleep.
The next morning, as soon as I was able, I checked my phone and realized that the call was from my dear friend. With the dark clouds still hovering over my head, I immediately called him up and asked him if all was ok with him. “Oh, I am sorry, I didn’t keep track of time zones.”, he continued, “I was so excited to share something so very special with you that, in excitement, I didn’t check the time.”
I was feeling relieved, and now I wanted to know more about the reason. “Actually, after several days of trekking, my group and I made it to the Kailash Manasarovar. The mountain was so blissful, and the environment so electric. I thought of sharing the live view of this sacred place with you.”
For the context, the Kailash Mansarovar visit is a vital pilgrimage for Hindus, Buddhists, Jains, and Bön followers. Mount Kailash is considered the abode of Lord Shiva, while Lake Mansarovar is seen as a place of purity and spiritual growth. Getting there isn’t easy either. It requires obtaining a visa, followed by a strenuous journey involving high-altitude trekking, which poses challenges due to rugged terrain, extreme weather, and significant altitude changes. It requires a good investment of time and money, and tests your physical, emotional, and psychological boundaries. Now, coming back to our story –
He was cheery, and everything in the world seemed to be ok, and nothing to be worried about, but my heart sank.”Oh my God! What a missed opportunity for me.”, I thought.
My friend had already left the place by the time I called and was heading home. Not only did I miss having a live darshan of the sacred place, but more importantly, I missed sharing such a precious and sacred moment with my dear friend, which could have become our lifetime shared and cherished memory.
What prevented me from seizing this incredible and rare opportunity? Was that my fears? Or was it my inability to confront those fears? Why did this moment send me into a kind of paralytic seizure state, so that I couldn’t even confront and deal with it?
Most of us in our daily lives don’t want anything unpleasant. Still, we cannot stop them from happening. We love everything pleasant, but we can’t retain those pleasant conditions forever. Isn’t it? These conditions are changing continuously, whether we want them to or not. The world around us is changing every moment, even as we write these words.
Next time, when my phone rings in the middle of the night or at any other random time, I should be prepared to accept the news —good, bad, or neutral. After all, these are merely events — good, bad, etc. —that we have labeled as such. More importantly, these fears would not stop me from sharing a precious moment, offering a compassionate ear, or just being there for someone without any bias or judgment.
